he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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