i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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