i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
