you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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