I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
