I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
