My hand turned me down
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
