Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
