there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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