i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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