My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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