plz talk dirty to me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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