You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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