It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
