i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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