the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
