Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't turn off my feet"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
