it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
