you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
