I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
