Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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