My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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