I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
