I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
