I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
