I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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