I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
