yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
