This girl is more easily done than said...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
