Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
