I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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