My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
