I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
