At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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