The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
