Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
