Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
