And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
