No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
