I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
