i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
