made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Found your dick twin last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
