I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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