My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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