Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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