I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
