im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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