so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
