soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
