The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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