I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The Olympian is in my bed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
