I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
