I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
