just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
