I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
