I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize