I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Blood and glitter go together right?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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