i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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