Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
