Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
