it wasn't lemon gatorade
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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