Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
