So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize