I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
