My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
