Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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