I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize