Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Pants are for mortals
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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