I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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